the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As shirtless as possible
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
