OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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