Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
