theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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