just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
