I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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