I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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