My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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