I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
