wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
