so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
