Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
