exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize