Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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