Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
