A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
