I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
And then he peed in my hair
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
