Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
