oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How external is "for external use only"?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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