I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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