I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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