You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
