thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
