So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
