thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
