So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
