I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize