kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
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