Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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