This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
