i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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