I'm lost and stupid without you.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
