you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
