remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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