dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize