Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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