I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
