You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
