i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
