thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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