We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
