I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
