My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize