I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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