apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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