I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
