His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
