stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
