Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
