so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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