Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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