Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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