I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize