wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
