And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
