and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize