i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
