we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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