I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
