Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
