smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
