I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
