I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
