Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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