How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
