we have pet lesbian snakes
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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