you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
