how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We left the knife in your bed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
