Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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