actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just forgot I was standing up.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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