I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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