She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
