Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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