pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
