My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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