and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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