i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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