I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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