he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
