don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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