Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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