he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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