I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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