Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize