I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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