spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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