Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
