yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
