I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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