im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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