IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
