I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
