Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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