why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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