fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize