First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
