Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
