i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
