and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
