So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
