like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
