Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
