Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
