They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
